have u ever been thru that phase that u want to grab hold of something/someone but another part of u chooses to let go.. u know that if u let go, u might, one day, regret it.
to me, is it more like ticking boxes than following my heart?
maybe im selfish, maybe i just want to 'conquer'...
to that whoever,
i know sometimes, i leave you hanging. sometimes i appear to be interested in your everything but just sometimes, im holding back everything. sometimes, a part of me said jus give it a try, however, another part of me said he had not met the passing grade. she says jus forget abt ticking those boxes, no one can ever score well in that test of yours. another she says but isnt that what u always wanted? u know, sometimes, it just felt like u're pushing me to make choices.. i know that u're not being yourself and not to even mention being comfortable ard me bcoz u want to present a side of u which u think is acceptable in my eyes. but hello? have u thought i would rather u being urself so i know that this someone is true ? that's when i can open up to u.. have fun.. do shits together.. like any duo. then again,maybe it's just me - expecting too much, way too much from someone special.
what's holding me back u may ask...
- i think i like someone else
- i think there's someone better out there(not that u aint good, jus.. sometimes.. we cant connect well.. age gap, difference in thinking.. play a part..)
- i think that score sheet is quite empty.
- i like you being creative, i enjoy novelty, i want that chemistry thingy(bcoz sometimes, i dont get you and your jokes and vice versa), i want to feel comfortable and that urge of telling u abt my everything
u know.. i dont like hearing the same stuff everyday.. once or twice or even thrice is okay but any more than that is just too boringgggg... what i can say now is.. pls leave if u have to bcoz if u hang in here, i would just keep u by my side and u know.. i might leave u hanging again n again.. no one's right or wrong in this issue. it's just that we have to move on and want to deserve someone better. u might say i'll miss u when u're gone. true.. bcoz there's no one i could rely on, no one giving in to me anymore etc etc.. but, isnt it better for u? u dont have to suffer from this agony.
sometimes, jus sometimes, human take things for granted, they jus enjoy novelty.. never appreciate who's the nice guy.
seriously, i feel the society's kinda screwed up. one good example is.. if u like someone a lot, u would usually not get the person. but, if someone else's like u, that person would not get u either. tell me why is this so ? isit bcoz u know that someone who like u can giv u everything n u only enjoy receiving everything.. then, u find urself not wanting to give even a single bit at all..
ohwells... THEN AGAIN, WE'RE STILL A KID. who can blame a kid for being nonchalant, having that couldnt care less attitude? ( what a convenient excuse. lol? maybe, maybe not...)
{the riddle of red}
